If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
