so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
