Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
