Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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