WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
