does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
