I wanna bring you to show and tell
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize