Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
