She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
