I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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