just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
how does that bad decision feel?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
