drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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