I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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