I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
