Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
