the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
