woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
