No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize