I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
