Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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