i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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