i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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