did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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