Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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