I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
