Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
