all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
