Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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