I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Me. At least after what I've been through.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
