I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
