I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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