Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
