one two three fourrrrnication!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The air taste purple.
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