my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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