Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
