I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
