he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
