I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
