its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
