friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
