real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
