Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
