i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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