just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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