Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have aggressive nipples.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
