if i can run in heels then i can drive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
