Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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