***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
