there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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