We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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