tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
