i don't like sucking hair
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
