a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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