I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
