i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
