I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
