One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
