"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
