If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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