Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
