Girls should come with a carfax report
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
