i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
